The plague of the Uncoachable Employee

Imagine for a second that you’re one promotion away from your dream job; you’re so close you can almost taste it.  Your company selects you as a candidate for career coaching to round out some blind spots and help you reach the next level. Imagine then, after a few meetings with this coach, you are deemed “uncoachable”, and those precious dreams of yours go up in smoke.

Whose fault is it when this happens? The “uncoachable” employee or the company that didn’t help coach him or her until now? A little bit of both I think, but the biggest issue is that both parties waited too long to figure it out.

THIS article from Harvard Business Review, “4 Signs an Executive Isn’t Ready for Coaching” discusses several of these scenarios.  However, it doesn’t dive into how to help these employees improve, it simply warns companies of the red flags to watch out for and avoid spending coaching dollars on these people. So the people who need coaching the most, get left out in the cold.  As if being deemed uncoachable makes you a lost cause. I disagree, I think anyone can become coachable -- with practice.

A lot of companies (and employees) don’t realize that receiving feedback is a skill that must be learned, especially if that feedback is negative. Exposing employees to mentors and coaches earlier in their career can help them develop this skill of receiving feedback and hone their ability of adapting their mindset and behaviors accordingly. Expecting most employees to automatically know how to handle criticism and what to change in their behaviors in light of that criticism is like expecting to beat 4 hours in a marathon you’ve never trained for - for the vast majority of people, it won’t go well.

The act of continually receiving feedback, evaluating which behaviors to change, and developing a plan to change them, begins to shift these potential “uncoachable” employees away from being defensive in the face of criticism and moves them toward seeing criticism as a learning opportunity. I agree with the article that seeking career coaching is becoming less stigmatized, but I also think companies should no longer control who is eligible for coaching and who isn’t (and shouldn’t withhold coaching until executives are at really critical career junctures). Employees can take their career feedback loop into their own hands now.  If you don’t want to turn into an executive that is “uncoachable” - start practicing being coached, today. 

You can start by considering the four warning signs from that article, and using them as a diagnostic tool.  Think about each one honestly, do you think it applies to you? Have you ever been in a situation where you fell prey to one of these flags? Think of times when you have, and also when you haven’t.  It’s not an all or nothing thing, you can exhibit some of these behaviors in certain situations, but not all the time.  Notice when you do and when you don’t.  Realize you are more than just one set of these actions, and that practicing can help you reshape behaviors.

1. They blame external factors for their problems.

When something goes wrong and your boss puts you in the hot seat, do you automatically point the finger at someone else? Or do you explain how you missed something and discuss how to avoid it happening again?

2. You can’t get on their calendar

How much do you prepare for performance meetings with your managers? Are they meaningful conversations or are you checking the box for HR? When you get negative feedback, do you brush it off or consider if there is a nugget of truth in there that you need to work on?

3. They focus too much on tips and tactics

Do you avoid answering the hard questions? Do you think if you just emulate successful business people you’ll also succeed, and avoid self-reflection about your priorities?  Someone once told me that the success other’s have had will not be your success, so don’t try to conform to their paths (although you can try to learn from them). Carve your own path, learn from others but don’t simply mimic their behaviors.

4. They delay getting started with a coach to “do more research” or “find the right person”.

Now, to be fair, if I were committing to spend $100k on an executive coach, you bet I’d do my homework before choosing one. So this is partly due to the high costs involved, but this is also the easiest excuse to hide behind.  Do you constantly cancel or reschedule meetings where you’ll be given feedback? This could be a sign you’re in this trap of trying to find the perfect time but never actually wanting to commit to it.

Think back to the last week, to significant meetings or interactions, think about how you acted and the outcomes of those actions, would you change anything about it? What and why? This can help you begin this practice internally of evaluating your actions and deciding what behaviors to change.  

An example for me was realizing I wanted to stop being one of the first people in a meeting to express my view on a topic, so I could benefit from learning about the perspectives of others. For two weeks I purposely forced myself not to state my perspective until most others in the room had spoken. I immediately noticed a difference in how much more collaborative the meetings felt and I learned a lot more about the subject matter than I would have otherwise. This led me to adopt better listening practices - which I am still learning to consistently apply!

These are simple exercises to begin experimenting with feedback, albeit from yourself, and the practice of incorporating different tactics and behaviors if you want to change the outcome.  Start doing this to yourself, and then broaden your feedback loop to include more people -- some potential mentors, advisors, and coaches.  

So take matters into your own hands, start honing your skill of receiving feedback - particularly when the price tag isn’t $100K!